On June 9th, 1954 a baby boy was born into this world at Hamilton’s St Joseph’s Hospital. He would go on to become a legend, in his own mind perhaps, but a legend nonetheless.

The Kids In The Hall once said of Mickey Rooney, "He may be short in stature, but he sure ain’t short on nerve." They could just as easily have been talking about Rob. There was no one more tenacious or audacious than he. He was also a kind man with a tender heart, and he lived an exceptional life. We’d like to share some of that life, according to his own first-hand accounts, here.

He was Saltfleet High’s fastest runner and greatest football hero. He has fallen off his own roof, been run over by his own truck and even sliced up his own foot with his own chainsaw. He once fought off a menacing fireball that flew in his kitchen window while he was cooking supper. He’s deployed poisonous darts to dispatch his worst enemies. Sadly for us, details of these exploits have been deemed classified, and cannot be disseminated publicly.

Rob was regularly plucked off the street by secret agents and subjected to IQ testing. After which, he would be taken aside and told, in hushed but awed tones, that his scores were off the charts and that he was a genius of the highest order, with a record-breaking IQ score. He was instructed to keep this information to himself as it was likely to upset the regular folks in his life, i.e: all the idiots he was surrounded by.

While posing as a mild-mannered groundskeeper at Brudenell Resort, Rob dedicated himself to the study of botany and plant breeding. His pioneering work with marijuana strains and in-depth research into psilocybin helped open up the cannabis and magic mushroom industries into the juggernauts we see today. His one foray into moonshining nearly took his eyebrows off and left a deadzone in the woods where no living thing has grown since.

He met Rose, simultaneously the love of his life and bane of his existence, in high school. They tree-planted together on the west coast, before moving to the island and joining the back-to-the-land movement. A lifestyle he embraced wholeheartedly.

He was an early aficionado of Russia’s much-maligned Lada, and managed to amass an impressive collection of six models, in various states of disrepair, which he used to great effect to decorate his homestead.

A master at making something from nothing, he once patched a rusted door on his most prized Lada with material he repurposed from tobacco tins. Pounded out flat and painted with dark green house paint, one could barely see the Export A mascot peeking through.

He was an eagle-eyed reader of sales slips and was beloved by cashiers across the island for his habit of standing right in front of the till to study his receipt. And how he would crow with delight when he spotted a discrepancy. A joy for all involved.

His devotion to Genesis was unparalleled amongst their fan base. No one stuck with the band as fanatically – from the Peter Gabriel years into the Phil Collins era – as Rob. He was just as enamored by Foxtrot as Invisible Touch. He was equally devoted to The Band and John Prine; who gave him a shoutout on one of his most famous tunes. On Please Don’t Bury Me; when Prine sings, "Give my love to Rose", he’s singing that directly to Rob.

His property in Glenwilliam was his pride and joy. He discovered it with Rose soon after they arrived in PEI with two babies in tow. His eldest, Ivy, was newly adopted by Rob, and the first to be schooled in the life skills he deemed most important; namely lobster cracking, rabbit skinning and rolling smokes. Sarah Jane would follow in those footsteps, learning how to hit a fly ball, chop wood and worship at the altar of the Montreal Canadiens. Her lifelong dedication to Habs Nation was one of Rob’s proudest achievements. Larry, aka Dr. Dirtball, was born a few years later in Montague Hospital, during a hockey game. Holding his boy for the first time, Rob joyfully announced, "I have a son and Montreal just won!" In '93, when they took home the Cup on Rob's birthday, he wept.

Rob was a complicated man who struggled with addiction and depression throughout his life. This was hindered rather than helped by a doctor who was a little too free with the prescription pad, but Rob loved his children and grandchildren deeply. His joy at holiday family dinners was palpable, and his reunion with friends and family in the winter of 2023 was a precious time. Rob believed in the power of connection over bloodlines and embraced his friends as chosen family and loved his adopted kid as heartily as his natural born children.

Though they divorced in 1994, he and Rose stayed in each other’s lives, celebrating every holiday together and enjoying Monopoly tournaments with their grandsons. She was the last person to visit him before he was summoned up to heaven.

God was undoubtedly thrilled to have him back, Rob’s rebellious spirit and genius IQ being a welcome change from all those boring angels.

Rob is survived by those mentioned as well as his siblings Dave and Gail, his favorite cousin Cali and his grandchildren; Calvin, Lawson and Felix.

A Celebration of Life will be held on July 19th, with an acoustic set by Rob’s close friend Gary Waterman. Formal attire is heavily discouraged.

Please contact Ivy for details at [email protected]